Friday Blog

They're Not Your Ducks

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Mother duck swimming with her ducklings in a row

This week has been a wild and crazy week with lots of twists and turns leading to some thought provoking moments. At one point while talking with a friend about how both Lisa and I were feeling God's leading regarding certain aspects of our lives they asked a very direct and probing question, "If things don't work out with the plan you are currently pursuing are you going to continue down this path anyway?" My answer was rather sobering - "I'm not sure I have that much faith!" That answer prompted some serious contemplation over the next 24 hours. Thinking of the father whose son was possessed by a demon and the disciples could not cast it out. When the father asked Jesus to cast it out Jesus' response was "If you believe, all things are possible." The fathers response was mine that day, "I believe, help my unbelief." (See Matthew 9:14-25 for the story.) My problem is I want to have all my ducks in a row. I don't just want them in a row, I want to know where they are going and how they are going to get there! That is not faith, that is certainty and I struggle balancing faith with certainty.

To set the context I want to step back almost 35 years - Lisa and I were newly married and I was interviewing for a pastoral position (I will not name the Conference!) During the interview the Conference President asked me to describe the moment I KNEW that God had called me to pastoral ministry. When I told him I couldn't do that because my realization of calling was a quiet process over time rather than a single earth shaking moment he told me that he would be coming back in the spring to interview again and before that time he wanted me to get down on my knees and tell God that I would not get up until He had given me that epiphany moment. My response did not go over very well - I informed him that I was NOT in the habit of telling God what to do. If God wanted to give me that epiphany moment I was open to it, but I was NOT going to demand it from God. Needless to say, when he returned in the spring he declined to talk with me again. Understand, I had stepped out in faith - I quit my job in Maine without knowing where I was going or what I was going to do. Eventually I settled on going to Walla Walla to take engineering but ended up at Southern taking theology because God opened doors that I had no idea even needed to be opened. Even after all God had done it didn't mean I stopped struggling with knowing where God was leading.
 
Fast forward 10 years and I am interviewing for another job, a very good one with an exceptional ministry, but Lisa and I were struggling over whether God was really leading. On Thursday evening the President of the organization offered me the job but I would have to wait until Monday when I could talk with HR and the VP of finance to get the details. Being someone who likes my ducks in a row this did not settle well with me. In a conversation with Linda Oswald I expressed this frustration and she made a very simple but profound observation - "They are not YOUR ducks!" The unstated implication was that they were God's ducks not mine and what appeared to be a disorganized mess to me might be the exact pattern He needed to accomplish His will. I needed to stop worrying about their organization and trust their organizer!
 
I am reminded of the story of the disciples crossing the sea of Galilee when a major storm arose. Jesus was not with them, He had sent them across by themselves while He dispersed the crowds that wanted to make Him king by force. In the middle of the night, while the storm raged all around (Ellen White suggests that the visible storm was just a reflection of the inner storm that was raging within the disciples minds over whether Jesus was really who they thought He was) the disciples were furiously straining against the storm when Jesus calmly walks by on top of the waves inviting Peter to step out of the boat into the midst of the raging storm and walk on the water with Him. (See Matthew 14:22-33 for this story.)
 
Something I have been reminded of again this week is that faith takes on many forms. Sometimes God asks us to demonstrate our faith by stepping out of the boat not knowing how it will all work out. Sometimes God asks us to expand our faith by waiting while He opens the doors we need to go through. The important thing to remember is that God is the one directing everything. I don't need to get my ducks in a row. What I need to remember is they are not MY ducks!

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